hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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