i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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