sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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