it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
