i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
