STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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