I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
