I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
