So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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