he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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