Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
