Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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