It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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