in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
