Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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