I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize