i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
