Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
