check it out our google latitudes are spooning
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
