she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
