Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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