how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
