i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
