u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
