nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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