bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
