Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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