don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
