is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sober January is a disaster.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
His nipple licking is glorious
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