Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
