textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize