last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
