I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
