im having a threesome with these popsicles
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
