the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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