i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
