so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
