I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
