You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
