Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
