How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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