We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize