I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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