She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
