Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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