After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
