have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
