That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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