if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
