Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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