Already got asked if we're dating
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
