another moral hangover. fuck.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
