I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
