Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
