dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
