last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
