I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
