I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
