my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
