He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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