If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
