It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
