a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
PANTIES FOUND
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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