who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
