The best revenge is premature balding
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
two words...techno handjob
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
