fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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