I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
