Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
