called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
