I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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