I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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