forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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