Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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