dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
