Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
