if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
