My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
