eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
