I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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