omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
