you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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