I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
