and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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