i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
