I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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