hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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