we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize