I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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