Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
