party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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