I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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