I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
