I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
