Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
