Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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